All right, ladies, now let’s get to it- how to get a boyfriend. AKA the anthem of every group of girlfriends, at every happy hour and girl’s night out, especially when someone has a major crush and no game.
But let’s face it, crushes don’t usually pan out into viable relationships. What’s a good, actual way to get the guy of your dreams? Or at least, a guy who could be?
Well, dating is a process, and there’s no reason to pretend otherwise. We’ll set you up with a long-term game plan that’ll put you on the road to landing a boyfriend.
This is when you stop leaving it to chance. When you’re ready to throw your heart into a romance with intention.
Is It I Want a Boyfriend, or I Need a Boyfriend?
Asking yourself why and how much you want to be in a relationship serves many purposes. Are you going in with your best interests in mind and giving it a fair shot? Try to run through a few questions like:
- “Do I find relationships fun and fulfilling, or am I just really lonely?” You might be yearning for more social situations or meetups with friends.
- “Am I bored and wanting a change?” A boyfriend will definitely spice things up, but perhaps you’re dying for a new hobby, not a hubby.
- “Hang on, is this making me, like, for real sad??” Whether you’re the eternally single friend, or starved for that good loving, being unhappily uncoupled is hard. But don’t let desperation, pessimism, or angst fuel your choices. Look for a boyfriend who’ll be a genuine force for good in your life, not a stopgap to keep unhappiness at bay.
Finally, also ask yourself, why don’t I have a boyfriend? Look at what’s changed recently if dating is a new development, think of past failures, and consider areas for self-improvement.
Lay It All Out
Once you’ve done some introspection, you’ll be totally ready to find a guy — theoretically. Did you figure out you want to have fun? Settle down? Are you willing to make the moves, or is being courted a big deal to you?
There’s no bigger roadblock to getting a boyfriend than not knowing what you want (except not knowing how to get it, but that’s what this article is for).
Consider a couple of deal-breakers, potential enjoyable date plans, anything you’d like to reveal upfront, so no one wastes their time. You can use these to find men, drop them like a hot potato, or decide if they’re worth at least a second date. Dating is inherently based on criteria and takes boundaries as much as an open mind.
Is it loving yourself helpful? Yes. Great people meet great people. If you’re your biggest advocate, it’ll be easier to initiate and easier to handle rejection. You’ll have both the tools (autonomy) and the means (rockin’ self-esteem) to ask for what you want and turn down what you don’t.
Plus, confidence is sexy, and meeting new people, romantically or otherwise, is sort of like an interview. You’ve got to sell yourself a bit. Even if you’re picking and choosing the only good qualities that you can think of.
Think of them, believe in them, and when people compliment you, don’t fight it! A boyfriend should like you unmistakably and want to shower you in kindnesses. If you want one, this is largely unavoidable.
Let’s go, girls! Now you should be hearing Shania Twain’s “Man! I Feel Like a Woman,” in your head, and if you aren’t, go put that on real quick. Because it’s time to strut your stuff.
Where to Meet Men
This part is fun. Dudes are everywhere. Tons of them are available. That isn’t to say you should treat the whole world like your dating pool at any given time, but logistically it is, and you can dive on in.
Due to this fact, you don’t have to limit yourself to singles mixers or speed dating. Remember when you thought about what you want out of a boyfriend and relationship? Put that to work as you consider how to meet guys you could go goo-goo for.
- A geeky guy who doesn’t mind staying home and shouting answers at Jeopardy with you? Try hitting up a local trivia night. Play to win, and you might catch some eyes (follow up on that if they don’t — go over and ask if they’d like to share a drink with the champ), or ask a cute group if you can tack onto their team.
- Love to party and want somebody on the same wavelength? The middle of clubbing isn’t the best time to chat someone up, but you can sort of network with attractive people. Make eye contact, dance a little, slip them your number. Really check out the field because there will probably be a lot of duds.
- The gym, a popular hiking trail, the library, a book store. Wherever it is, if you’re both there, you know your interests already somewhat align. This will start things off on the right foot — just strike up a little friendly conversation, then before you part, ask if they’d like to continue the conversation sometime! (Maybe over text or maybe over dinner.)
There are general contenders, too, though…
- Dating sites and apps are, of course, a great-ish place to start. They allow you to lay out some truths in your profile, are low-stakes, and are naturally all about finding a match. There’s a reason they’re so popular for how to find a man.
On the other hand, of course, people can still lie about their intentions or expectations, and the not-in-person aspect creates as many problems as it solves. Proceed with caution as apps and sites are just a jumping-off point. Don’t get sucked in with FOMO, and don’t pretend they’re the only option.
- Are you a student? How to get a boyfriend in college is easy — walk outside, find somebody cute, and talk to them. It may seem a little daunting, but you are literally surrounded by boys. You share a common experience and have a bunch of ways to approach this.
Want to be friends first because dating strangers weirds you out? Make a new friend and see how it goes from there. Ask a classmate out to lunch. Want to take your chances, amble up to someone, say you saw them across the way and wanted to ask for their number because they look fly? Sure, why not.
…And riskier contenders.
- Friends of friends can be an excellent resource if you’re not extremely social, and your dating pool feels much smaller. The problem is if things go awry (a 50-50 chance), it can cause a lasting rift or otherwise impact friend group dynamics. Best to let them introduce you to acquaintances or set you up with new people they’ve met.
- And how to meet someone at work, you may ask? I spend hours upon hours there every day and am closest to colleagues, you say. Well, as with the friends’ situation, this solution feels simple, but it’s fraught with possible disaster and uncomfortable futures. Absolutely only go for indirect coworkers (that you don’t spend time working together with), and preferably someone with a similar level of seniority (or lack thereof).
How to Get the Guy
So you’ve found your in. You know how to find a boyfriend, but you need to know how to get a man to respond well — how to really get a boyfriend.
Unfortunately, there’s no sure way to get any man to fall for you. You’ve just got to take a chance and put in an honest effort. But fear not; if this potential relationship is going to lead anywhere, it’ll have to be built on mutual communication, trust, and positivity, which makes figuring it out simpler.
- The conversation may not necessarily be easy, but it should flow readily from both ends. You’ll be excited to learn about him, and let him learn about you — it should be fun, a little playful, and above all filled with genuine curiosity and enjoyment. In the beginning, it takes little more than that to get the ball rolling.
- Don’t present an untrue version of yourself to curry favor. That’s just not sustainable and will exhaust you in any sort of long run.
- To that end, don’t play texting games. Reply when you’re able, but try to make a little more time for them at first if they make it for you, too. If that’s legitimately difficult, let them know! Schedule times to text, call or meet up.
- Take action through text or in person. Ask for what you need if they aren’t offering — for dates, to take the relationship to the next level, for the information you need to make decisions, for them to stop using the emoji that’s absolutely your enemy. You have permission to straight up say, “Hey, do you want to be my boyfriend? I’d like to be your girlfriend.”
- So don’t wait for them to set the entire pace and mood if you’re comfortable doing so yourself. It takes a lot of guts and puts it all on the line, but that’s how we move forward. Softer options would be prodding him in the right direction or finding ways to test the waters.
- If you feel like you have to fight for answers, attention, or to reconcile atrocious communication etiquette, really consider if continuing seems worth it. There is plenty of fish in the sea, and big and little reasons to move on. Be respectful and kind whenever you can, but before he’s actually your boyfriend, you really don’t owe him much of anything. Get a different guy.
So it might take way more than two weeks to score a boyfriend. But if you take a week to compose yourself, then identify, sort through, and frame your desires, you’ll have a great base from which to start searching.
By the second week, as long as you try to put yourself out there, you’ll be chatting up potential boyfriend material left and right. When the right guy makes his entrance, he’ll make you wonder why you wasted time on anyone else at all.
Yet if that doesn’t work out in the end, just know that there are Mr. Rights left, right, and center — you can find someone else to make you happy if you let yourself go look for him.